the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Randomize
