dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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