Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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