Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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