you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
