So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
