he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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