mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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