You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
