Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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