yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
