Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
