I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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