Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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