Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
