I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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