Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
