i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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