she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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