I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My hand turned me down
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
