Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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