i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
