You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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