What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
