no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
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God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
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Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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