I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
