I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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