Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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