Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
