Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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