dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I need to stop coming to work sober
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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