and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
