So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
