Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
