apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
