would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
