i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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