At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
