i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
