Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
A+ Viking dick
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