Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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