does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
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