fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
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My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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