Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
