My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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