Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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