walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
