She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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