i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
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We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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