I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
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