Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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