I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
