i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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