Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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