She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
