i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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