Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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