I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
