what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
