Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
