He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
