I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Quick, to the slutcave!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
