he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
