Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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