So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
