We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
