Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
