don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
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Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's blow job season.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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