how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
True college students do jello shots in the library
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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