god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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