Your face is a jimmy john
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
