Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
