We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
