I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
