He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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