I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
