No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
