I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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