So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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