I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
