Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize