My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
